A couple of months ago, while scrolling through my Instagram feed—past the usual mix of Nyama Choma spots and Walker snapshots—I stumbled upon a post celebrating one of my friend’s birthdays. At first glance, it seemed like a typical social media update. However, upon closer inspection, it wasn’t the usual celebratory affair. Instead of joyful wishes and party photos, she had cleverly disguised a cry for help as a joke about her boyfriend “forgetting” her birthday. Surprisingly, this wasn’t the first time he had done this. At that moment it hit me—someone was dating a Narcissist without realizing it.
Let’s face it, fam. We’re living in the age of the “soft life” and the “big three” (money, power, respect). While we’re all trying to secure the bag and look fly doing it, some folks are taking it to a new level of toxicity.
Picture this: It’s your birthday. You’re hyped, ready to paint the town red; you plan to hit up Westie or Kilimani with your squad. But your bae? They suddenly go MIA; worse yet, they show up late, empty-handed, complaining about traffic. Sound familiar? Congratulations! You might be dating a narcissist.
Here’s the tea: Narcissists don’t do birthdays. Well, not yours anyway. Your special day? It’s their kryptonite. They can’t handle the spotlight shining on someone else for even a hot minute. They’ll pull every trick in the book—from “forgetting” to buy a gift to dropping some “big news” right when you’re about to blow out your candles.
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But it’s not just about the birthdays. It’s about the everyday. That friend who always looks Instagram-ready, even for a quick run to Naivas? The one who constantly fishes for compliments and can’t take a joke? Yeah, you might want to take a closer look.
Now, don’t get me wrong. We all like to look good and feel appreciated. That’s just part of the vibrant Nairobi culture. However, there’s a line between self-care and self-obsession, and some folks are pole-vaulting right over it.
Do narcissists care about something? Absolutely yes! They care about themselves. First, and last, and always. It’s a point they don’t want you to know. They act up like Sisters of Mercy, full of amazing grace. They preach a beautiful message of hope, presenting how all your dreams can come true. “Look at ME; I’m in love with you.”
What a crock of absolute festering shit. That’s what they’ll serve up to you. They’ll demand that you bow down, worship, and adore the one you now serve; they’ll insist that you hand over your keys. Once you do, you’re locked in. You just got caged in. They can now use those keys to open up doors to your life and soul.
What else do they care about? Their image, for one. They’re the ones always chasing the latest trends, be it the newest Adidas Yeezy drops or the hottest club openings. They care about their “narcissistic supply”—basically, attention and praise. And of course, they obsess over money and power. But caring about you? That’s not really in their playbook.
Narcissistic people enjoy controlling people, moving them this way and that, and making them do things, just for the sake of it. Moreover, they prefer to control powerful people because that means the narcissist must be more powerful still.
So, what can you do when you are dating a narcissist? First, learn to recognize the signs. If your partner’s idea of celebrating your birthday is a dry “Happy Birthday” text sent at 11:59 PM, it might be time to have a chat. Or better yet, it’s time to show them the door. Also, go watch the American Psycho for extra points
In our lively, bustling city, you deserve a partner who appreciates you daily—not just on special occasions like your birthday. You need someone who’ll join you for a sunrise hike at Karura Forest, cheer you on at your hustle, and yes, remember to wish you a happy birthday without setting a reminder.
Let’s make the dating scene less about narcissists and more about genuine connections. Because at the end of the day, all the Instagram likes in the world can’t replace real love and appreciation. And that, my friends, is worth more than all the fancy dinners at Fogo Gaucho combined.